How to Slow Down Time



As we get older, there seems to be one universal question that confounds us all: where does our time go? It feels almost impossible to recapture the pace of our youthful summers, in which an afternoon stretched out luxuriously and felt long enough to travel to Narnia and back without expending real time. The ability to “time travel” seemed ever-present during childhood. Fast forward to the present. Why does time seem to accelerate at an alarming rate with each passing year now? That unnerving moment in which I can’t recall an entire period of my life sends me into a cold panic. It suddenly feels like I’ve been cheated into a reality in which my days will turn into years with the mere blink of an eye. It’s as if I can’t find the brakes to my roller coaster!

Scientists have various theories on the phenomenon of time acceleration, the most prominent explanation being that the more novelty we experience, the more information we store in our memories. Dr. David Eagleman, neuroscientist and foremost researcher on time perception, explains that time is metasensory and that our perception of time is intricately woven with our emotions and memories. We can think of our brains as video cameras that record life and the world as we experience it.  However, our brain-cameras simply can’t capture all the minutiae of daily life. It therefore goes through the process of editing and presenting the most compelling story of what is happening in our worlds. The information editing process also affects our perception of how fast or slowly the event occurred. We end up recording more “footage” of the events that impact us and discarding everything else.  Since our brains store such vivid, dense memories of significant events, we are left with much more footage of these memories, making us perceive the experience to have lasted longer.

This explanation also implies that we experience a diminishing amount of “firsts” as we age. As we settle into the routine of working life, our brains don’t feel the need to record repetitive events, predictable scenarios, or actions that can be completed on autopilot. Our adult lives often lack the novelty of childhood, causing time to seemingly slip away in a haze. 

I believe there are multiple factors that contribute to our changing perception of time as we age. However, I find the idea of time being a construction of the brain to be most salient. I realized that the segments of my life that stand out in memory are periods that felt substantial in time, quality, and impact. Some of the events that took place during those periods were “firsts”; others breathed new life into me. Therefore, I do think we can manipulate our perception of time, if we punctuate our weeks and months with novelty that makes a lasting impression. 


Homework: Replace an ordinary event with something foreign this week. 

Step outside your usual realm and experience a “first”.  It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. It can be as simple as spending time with a new person or replacing your Wednesday night Game of Thrones ritual with going to a Meetup. Whatever it is, just ask yourself: will my brain-camera bother recording this?
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How to make life meaningful



Many people struggle with finding purpose in their lives whether it’s in their career, in their relationships, or in their family life. "What's the point?" and “What does it all mean?” are questions that we often ask ourselves that seem to have no answers. But perhaps, we've been asking the wrong questions this whole time. Instead of asking, "what's the meaning of life?" we should be asking, "how can I make my life meaningful?".

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl quotes Nietzsche, “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how'.” During WWII, Frankl was a prisoner in four different Nazi concentration camps. His experience was excruciating – he suffered both physically and emotionally, his family died, and he watched many people around him suffer and perish. Through these experiences, Frankl realized that,

Man is not fully conditioned and determined but rather determines himself whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them. In other words, man is ultimately self-determining. Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment.
It is up to us to figure out what work, what activities, and what relationships give meaning to our lives. This is great news as it means the power lies within us and not in the control of external forces.

Homework: Search the past for clues to finding meaning


Make note of an event or relationship where you felt truly alive. It can be recent or from the distant past. Then try to analyse why. Answer the "Why" honestly - it doesn't have to be 'worthy' answer. Once you have identified the reason, ask why you enjoyed that. For example,

When did I last feel truly alive? When I was playing soccer
Why? Because I like seeing my friends
Why? Because I enjoy open and safe opportunities to chat with friends
Why? Because I am a social person, and like to find out what makes people tick.

 From this exercise, the person could conclude that they find meaning from talking to people about what really matters to them. So go ahead and discover the core of where you find meaning.

Tell us about your why's in the comments below! 
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How to stop believing your thoughts


Arguably, the biggest single impact on your day is the constant stream of thoughts that ran through your mind. More specifically, the quality of those thoughts: negative or positive. Essentially, your emotions are simply your body’s reaction to your thoughts.

Of course, many of your thoughts are useful! They get you through the day and help you solve any problems that may arise. Some of them are even life-changing shifts in perception or epiphanies that shape you as a person. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, one of the most influential thinkers of the twentieth century, proposed that our thoughts – all of them - have meaning and ought to be given credence. Freud’s writings and theories have influenced psychology more than any other person; today’s Freudian psychologists will, for the most part, analyze your thoughts as meaningful indicators of your subconscious desires and drives.

However, in the last 30 years, the field of psychology has been shifting moving more and more towards the idea that many of our thoughts lack truth and are not grounded in reality. The therapy associated with this view is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. CBT largely focuses on taking the negative thoughts that involuntarily take up time and energy in your mind (Dr. Aaron Beck, one of the founders of CBT, calls them “automatic negative thoughts”) and replacing them with more positive thoughts. Patients are urged to challenge the negative thoughts w hen they arise, and for the most part people see improvement in mood much faster than with Freudian psychoanalysis.

 Homework:  Challenge your thoughts for a day.


Spend a day observing your mind. This can feel foreign at first, since most of us have come to assume that we are our thoughts. Whenever I feel myself getting agitated by my thoughts, I know I’m identifying with them. To get back to being the observer, I imagine my thoughts as a waterfall, and myself as the space behind the waterfall. 


When a negative thought arises, stop and consider it. Does it actually make sense? Is it constructive or simply fatalistic? Take your thought and hold it up against reality. Does the thought stay in tact or crumble? Let us know!
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How to make someone feel better


When a friend, coworker, or acquaintance is feeling down, sometimes we don’t know what to say. Other times our own aversion to seeing them in pain leads us to try to ‘fix it’ by saying meaningless phrases or unhelpful solutions. Oftentimes, this can cause them to feel even worse. Vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown says, “Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection." So what are the words and phrases that build connection?

Connections are built by empathy - the ability to understand and feel what the other person is feeling. It is the ability to 'be in their shoes'. By trying to ‘fix it’ or cheer them up, they may feel that their feelings are being ignored or invalidated. Instead of stepping into their shoes, you have stepped away.  By showing that you understand what they are feeling, the other person feels their feelings being validated and they can find comfort in you just being there.

To practice empathy, it is useful to both receive as well as to give. Receiving empathy not only allows you to understand how good it feels to be heard and accepted but also allows you to acknowledge and understand the strength and courage needed to be vulnerable to another person. Giving empathy involves providing a safe and supportive environment so that the other person feels comfortable being vulnerable. Once that environment is there, you need to be able to tap into your past experiences and share the part of you that has felt what they are feeling so that they feel that you understand.  It can be difficult and uncomfortable but is a skill that can be strengthened with practice.

Homework: Practice saying connection building phrases 


The next time you want to make someone feel better, try a connection building phrase and avoid a distancing one.

Connection building phrases:
I don’t know what to say but I’m glad you told me
I’ve been there
You’re not alone
Tell me more
Me too

Distancing phrases:
C’mon, Cheer up
It’s not that bad
At least, this other thing didn’t happen

Tell us how you’ve practiced empathy:
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How to Make Technology Work for You


I open my inbox and check my email. Delete the Living Social promos. Delete the LinkedIn updates. Wait. Netflix just added a movie I might like. I glance at the movie title in the heading. It’s obscure and unappealing. I move on. (Phew! Dodged that one!) Oh, here’s something I care about: an email from a friend suggesting that we check out a new exhibition about China’s changing landscape. I scope out the exhibition website and the words “China’s cancer villages” catch my eye. What exactly are cancer villages? Do those really exist? It is my moral imperative to find out. I Google it and click on the first seemingly credible source.  A third of the way through the article, a headline on the deadly right says “Thousands of dead, bloated pigs float down the river that supplies Shanghai with its drinking water.” What an image! I immediately click on the piece. This time I only look at the pictures and captions. Before I have time to process the sheer weight of this information, I get a group text. Someone has sent a Tumblr link to “Worst Cats”. They are pudgy and bald. Will I click?  If not, it’s because I’ve then passed the baton over to social media in my race for digital consumption.

Although I take comfort in knowing how technology overload affects us collectively, I can’t help but wonder how this came to be. How did our time and attention become commodities in this market?  According to research at the University of California, San Diego, the average person today consumes almost three times as much information as what the typical person consumed in 1960.  Furthermore, The New York Times reports that the average computer user checks 40 websites a day and can switch programs 36 times an hour. We now spend more time skimming the surface of many more things. Multitasking has become a glorified term for rapid attention shifting, leaving us less than satisfied in all facets.  

It helps to realize this: the state of constant availability and attention is the default setting on almost every device we buy, network we join, app we download, and website we visit. Leaving those defaults as is places us at the mercy of the digital vortex. We become servants to technology, rather than its commander in chiefs. Going cold turkey on technology isn’t sustainable either. While many have given testimonies about the healing power of digital detoxes, the problem is that these hiatuses do nothing to help us manage our digital existences the moment we plug back in. It’s not a matter of turning off your phone or abstaining from the internet entirely, but rather rethinking the role of technology and making it conform to our human intentions. We can program our devices to only interrupt us for things that we would willingly get interrupted for in real-time. We can also train ourselves to ignore the infinite sirens that prey on our time and yearn to profit off our digital footprint.

We each have our own information manifesto and connectivity system. However, here are a few ways you can regain control and use technology as an enabler:

Program your devices:  There’s nothing wrong with setting your phone on silent (at least for personal use). All your messages will be there when you decide to check. Only use push notifications and text alerts for the handful of programs and people that you would willingly interrupt your work, sleep, and play for. It boils down to a few family members, close friends, and applications max. If you wouldn’t purposefully seek it out on your own, why succumb to it when it beeps? Remember, if you’re not making it accommodate your life, you’re working for it.

Cut the media out of socializing: Are connections that exist solely in the realm of social media & chat rooms meaningful to you? Plugging in to these platforms with the intention of socializing, actually leads to distractions, unnecessary emotions, and missed opportunities for real life engagement. The kind that yields meaning. You discover who’s really important when you sign off.

Cut the news, ignore click bait: News sites and perfectly crafted headlines will drown you. News is essentially the same every year, every month, every day. If you find yourself in a web deep dive (without depth of engagement), close all your tabs and listen to a podcast instead. If it’s of supreme interest, close the article and read a book on the topic. The important news will find you. Or your parents will bring it up at dinner.

Have you tried any of the approaches above?  Share with us or better yet, tell a friend about it!
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How to rewrite your life story


We all have some area in our lives that we approach with fear or uncertainty, likely because something didn't go as well as planned. For example, a presentation given at work, a first date, or your last three tennis matches. If you continue to replay them in your mind, what can result is a disempowering story that usually starts with “I can’t”, “I don’t”, or “I’m not good at”. Continuous telling of the story internally and to others eventually results in a deeply-rooted belief that probably isn’t serving you.

Here’s the good news: any detrimental belief can be unraveled and replaced with a new, more positive one. Social psychologist Timothy Wilson writes in depth about story-editing or story transformation in his book Redirect: Changing the Stories We Live By. I can't wait to read the book, but here I wanted to talk about my own personal experience with story-editing, uninformed by recent research.

In the past, I've found simply telling myself a new story that I’d like to believe has had mixed results – sometimes the belief takes hold, but other times I feel like a disingenuous cheerleader. My skeptical brain needs more than a mantra of “I can!” to start weakening the grip of a story I’ve probably told myself for years.

This is where cold, hard data can be extremely helpful. A couple years ago, I resolved to change my poor eating habits. Since I was up against years of the emotional eating and crash dieting, I needed a device to keep me honest and accountable. A friend suggested keeping a food log. After logging every meal and snack for a couple of weeks, I found myself increasingly motivated to eat more vegetables, fruit, and healthy fats because I did not want to have to “report” a list of unhealthy foods that day. I realized that over time, the food log was actually a very detailed story that supported my new belief: “I have a healthy diet.” I became confident in my ability to make good choices when I went out to eat because I had a strong track record to show for it.

Homework: Start a log.


This week, think of a negative story you tell yourself that does not serve you and therefore needs rewriting. Title your log with the new, positive story you want to replace it with, e.g. “Healthy Diet”, “Adventurous Person”, “Avid Reader”, “Eloquent Speaker”, “Great Tennis Player”.

Throughout the week, be very mindful of actions and moments that support your new story and write them in the log. Depending on your goal story, the log can be comprised of concrete events, or emotions and thoughts. As your log grows, do you notice any changes in your confidence? Are you finding it easy or difficult to log your data? Can you feel the new story take root?

Tell us about your experience logging in the comments!





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How to get started


You’re never going to feel like it.  Whether it’s saying hello to your crush, going to the gym or speaking up in class, you’re never going to feel like it.  Sometimes it’s getting started that prevents us from achieving our goals and not the tasks themselves. When faced with a new endeavor, we start focusing on our fears, find it difficult to leave our comfort zones, or make excuses about why it was a bad idea in the first place.  We start talking ourselves out of it.

So how do we motivate ourselves to get started? One trick is to use a countdown. Countdowns have been used for centuries to indicate the remaining time before an event such as the start of a race, the detonation of an explosive, or the liftoff of a rocket. During the countdown before a race, runners physically get into position and mentally focus on the finish line. At NASA during the countdown before liftoff, final preparations between the crew and the command center are made. Being conscious of the steady markdown of time allows the mind and body to synchronize and prepare for what’s next.

Countdowns also allow you to acknowledge the effort needed to start. For most tasks, the experience once started, is never as bad as it had seemed. And many times, the rewards of the endeavor might just be life changing.  Getting started is what keeps us from achieving our goals. Countdowns give your mind a chance to say to itself, “It’s ok, this IS hard. Let’s do it anyway.” Getting started is an achievement in itself regardless of whether the task is actually completed so it’s ok to take a few moments before jumping in.

Homework: Use the 3-2-1 countdown this week 


When faced with starting a task that you don’t feel like doing this week, countdown out loud from three by saying “3-2-1 Go!”

As you countdown, calm your mind and body, and acknowledge that it’s hard to get started. Then, focus on the task ahead.

Once you reach, “Go!” you must throw all caution to the wind and just do it!

Remember, you have 3 seconds to get started. Make a move before you talk yourself out of it.

Tell us about how you've used the 3-2-1 countdown!
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